phd virus

The PhD Virus, Pakistan( PhD student should know)

I’ll tell you all you need to know about PhD Degree Program in Pakistan; What Ph.D. stands for, what does it take to get one, How to get a Ph.D. abroad, how to get into a university as a lecturer after a Ph.D. So Let’s get started

Ph.D. stands for Doctor of Philosophy and is also written as Ph.D. What Ph.D. means is that this person has created new knowledge in his chosen field and is qualified to research further in that field.

What the general people feel about Ph.D. scholars is not flattering at all. The jealous ones and the Jahil call Ph.D. scholars as Phira Hua Dimagh (crazy head) in Pakistan and in the USA they call Ph.D. doctors’ Piled High and Deep, meaning thereby that PhDs are full of shit.

Then some institutions cannot run without PhDs that know their trade and can generate more knowledge for innovation.

I think PhDs do get a little cranky after years and years of studying the same subject microscopically.

PRO-TIP 

Don’t get into a Ph.D. degree program in Pakistan if you do not have the passion for knowledge and the endurance to sit for hours on end poring over new knowledge to incorporate.

Which are the most useful Ph.D. programs?

Ph.D. is most useful in the Management, Applied Sciences, and humanities fields like Human Resources, Education, and Phycology because it is a sort of icing on top of your master’s degree. In these fields, master’s degrees do not carry too much weightage and there is a lot of people with piles of experience. So, Ph.D. distinguishes you in high competition fields. Ph.D. in STEM subjects would be a waste of time and your options would be very limited to university teaching.

How good is STEM research in Pakistan?

You’d have to read this to understand how far Pakistan research is in the technology field — my guess is not too far ahead

Which university offers Ph.D. courses and degrees?

Out of the 200 universities in Pakistan, the ones in the bigger cities mostly offer Ph.D. courses because they can get qualified Ph.D. lecturers in large cities.

How to get a Ph.D. scholarship?

You can get a local Ph.D. scholarship by reading the Higher Education Commission website for details or by a general search of Google. It mostly involves an easy entrance test.

When do Ph.D. admissions take place?

Ph.D. admissions usually take place Spring Semester and Fall Semester of every year, except in this Corona Virus scenario

How do I get a Ph.D. degree from abroad?

It is an excellent idea to start your Ph.D. in Pakistan, complete your basic courses, get your Ph.D. title defended, and then have your paper published from abroad along with a foreign degree from a Western University. Pakistanis love western qualified degree holders. It is a legacy of colonialism. This program is called the split Ph.D. program explained in these sites.

How much investment is a Ph.D. degree

The total expenditure to get a Ph.D. degree is around Rs 10 lakh, that is if you stay consistent and do not delay. You’d have to complete the program in 8 years or else you’d be kicked out and will have to restart. The real investment is the 5 years, at least, that you have had to spend with your university in Pakistan to get your milestones completed especially paper published. Paper publishing itself takes at least 2 years. It is very difficult to get a Ph.D. degree while you work.

How much salary can I expect after a Ph.D  in Pakistan?

After Ph.D., salaries start from Rs 125,000, but can rapidly rise if you have more publications or you manage to bag a juicy project funding from abroad.

Now that you know the basics of the Ph.D. degree program in Pakistan, let’s hop over to the lighter side.

Why do people call Ph.D. a virus? is it because of Corona?

No, it’s not because of Corona, but there is a new virus that has appeared in the middle-class neighborhoods’ in Pakistan called the PhD virus. Its origins are somewhere in Cambridge, UK. It afflicts social outcasts and misfits, trying to gain some social standing in a ruthless society.

There is no anti-virus available for it except a deep understanding of this crippling affliction from the near and dear ones. Rehabilitation through Occupational therapy might help if continued for a considerable period.

Physicians are trying to find a prosthetic for twisted brain syndrome, which is a common disease associated with the Ph.D. virus. They have largely been unsuccessful. So, there is no known cause and no known cure for this disease.

Some evidence suggests hereditary transfer in patients, with the mother usually the one carrying the germ, which she transfers to her mostly male offsprings. Prolonged contact with College Professors can lead to an outbreak.

Ph.D. symptoms appear suddenly and don’t leave the host till the complete body and mind are consumed. Further symptoms include confusion, disorientation, zombie-like appearance, nightmares, a false sense of aggrandizement, thick skin, disrupted cycle of sleep, inability to recognize acquaintances, unusual social behavior, disinterest in offsprings’, pains and aches, and aversion to physical exercise.

The diagnosis of this highly contagious disease is very tricky. It doesn’t show up in laboratory tests, the only way to confirm the presence of this virus is by looking into the suspect’s eyes.

If the eyes are zombie-like, with a far-away look the virus is taking hold. When appearance gets disheveled and social behavior becomes awkward and obsessive-compulsive, this might be the early stages of PhD.

Complications mostly involve lack of employability, low pay scale, loss of social skills, religious inclination, tunnel vision, hermit-like existence, urge to teach others, gather data, stare at the laptop screen.

Ph.D. patients tend to stay with their kind, in enclosures called universities. Extreme cases have also reported having narcissistic traits.

Treatment of Ph.D. is to leave the patient alone for the duration of the affliction. The patient will slowly come back to civilization after the cycle of disease is complete. Trying to intervene or speed up the cycle of recovery will only make the symptoms worse and in some cases, the condition might become permanent.

The best way is to let the patient get it out of their system in their own time. A weekly progress chart will help monitor the milestones of progress so that the patient understands that recovery is taking place.

There is unfortunately not much you can do to prevent it once the exposure to any charming Professor’s Class takes place.

The allure of lecturing to a servile audience, getting paid for a few hours at work, and being the God of your world, is ideal for the virus to capitalize on.

Prevention is by keeping the susceptible patient away from universities and focused on the current career. Herbal physicians also suggest that mothers’ be told to find fulfillment elsewhere and not in their offspring’s Ph.D. Graduation Photo.

Wives can help by making sure the husband is packed and bundled off to his mundane and thankless job every morning sharp at 0800hrs and not allowed back home before 1900 hrs so that his mind doesn’t wander.

This disease has caught on to women as well, but they manage alright due to their natural multitasking skills.

The prognosis of the Ph.D. virus is not too encouraging. Perpetual dream chasing, split personality, bankruptcy, and black and white thinking and Laziness may become ingrained as a result of peer prodding.

In my final analysis regarding joining a Ph.D. degree program in Pakistan; working for 5 years at a problem with little or no financial rewards to get the title of ‘Doctor’ doesn’t seem to be a feasible option, but who can challenge the passion for knowledge.

phd

For related links go to,

How to recognize a sociopath

How to handle narcissist boss

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